Siblings matter too
By Lee Tempest
June 2026
Supporting children and young people affected by Child to Parent Violence and Abuse (CPVA).
If you live with a brother or sister whose behaviour sometimes feels confusing, upsetting, or frightening, you are not alone. This guide is here to help you understand what might be happening, how it can affect you, and what you can do to stay safe and get support.
Some families go through very tough times. When a child hurts, scares, or tries to control a parent or caregiver, this is called Child to Parent Violence and Abuse or CPVA for short.
Even if the behaviour isn’t directed at you, it can still affect how your home feels. Living in this situation can be confusing, stressful, and exhausting, and it may leave you feeling scared, worried, sad, angry, or unsure about what to do.
What CPVA might look like
A brother or sister might:
Hurt your parents, grandparents, caregivers, or pets
Yell, threaten, or scare others
Break or steal things
Try to control people or situations
Make the home feel tense or unpredictable
Sometimes siblings get hurt
You might experience things like:
Being hit or pushed
Being yelled at or threatened
Having your things taken or damaged
Feeling frightened or controlled
Being touched in ways that feel unsafe
This is not okay. It is not “just sibling fighting.”
You deserve to feel safe.
How you might feel
You might feel:
Scared, angry, sad, or confused
Numb or constantly on edge
Your body might react too:
A fast heartbeat
Shaking
Wanting to hide, run, or freeze
These are normal responses your body is trying to protect you.
Your feelings matter.
If things feel unsafe
You might feel like you need to protect a parent or caregiver. That is a normal feeling, but it can make things more unsafe and you may get hurt.
You don’t need to put yourself in danger
It’s okay to move away from what is happening
If someone is being hurt, move to a safe place and call 111.
Your safety comes first.
Your safety plan
You can make a safety plan with a trusted adult.
Think about:
Warning signs
Notice when things start to feel unsafe.
What to do
Try to move away from the situation
Go to a safe place such as your room, a quiet space, outside, a friends or neighbours
Call 111 if you or someone else is in danger
It is never your fault.
You deserve help and protection. You also deserve:
Clear explanations
Reassurance
Support
Looking after yourself
It can help to:
Keep up school and activities you enjoy
Spend time with safe people
Talk about how you feel
Take breaks from thinking about what’s happening at home
You are allowed to have a life beyond this and to be happy and safe.
You matter
You are important.
You are not alone.
This is not your fault.
You deserve to feel safe at home.
Where to get help
Talking about what is happening at home helps.
If you feel unsafe or are being hurt, tell a trusted adult
Keep telling until someone listens to you
Talk to a trusted adult, teacher, counsellor, or support worker.
If there is immediate danger, call 111.
Youthline: 0800 376 633 or text 234
What’s Up: 0800 942 8787