Information for parents, caregivers and whānau - CPVA
No one deserves to live in a violent home and everyone, including you, has the right to be safe and supported. The term parents refers to any person who is in the caregiving role and includes grandparents and whānau. When we talk about Child to Parent Violence and Abuse (CPVA) we are talking about both children under the age of 18 and adult children who use abusive, controlling or violent behaviour towards their parents.
New Zealand has no CPVA legislation or guidance to identify and respond to CPVA. By having courageous conversations about CPVA we can shine a light on this complex form of family violence that many New Zealanders are living with. Parents are often realistic in their expectations and know that this is not a quick or easy fix. There is a lack of knowledge and skills in the workforce on how to respond to CPVA. You will often be teaching professionals about CPVA and your family’s situation. If you identify that a programme or intervention will not work, it is ok to say no. Parents should never be pushed into doing a programme that is not right for their family.
Working alongside professionals as an equal partner
“When Indie was old enough to walk, she started to hit me. I was hit for the next 16 years.”
Many parents notice behaviours of concern from early childhood. It is important to seek help as soon as you notice a pattern of behaviour, to try to avoid things escalating to crisis level. When meeting professionals and building a relationship with them, it is helpful to have a kōrero (a conversation) to identify what support is needed, what has been tried, what currently works well, and what the best outcome looks like for your family or whānau. Remember, you are the expert on your child. Older children will often refuse to engage with services. If this happens, professionals can still work with you and other members of your family.
Retelling your story can be exhausting and traumatising so it is recommended that you have one key contact who coordinates multiple organisations and ensures that all organisations are working towards the same goal – the family and whānau’s goal.
VisAble has developed a factsheet that you can download to discuss with the organisations you’re dealing with. It’s called CPVA for Professionals.
The factsheet explains CPVA and what might be helpful to you as a parent and whānau (family).
You can access this resource on our CPVA services and resources page.
Tips for working in partnership with professionals to reduce CPVA
Make sure to highlight CPVA when professionals are asking about possible violence in the home.
Develop and agree on a safety plan that works for your family and whānau. Share this plan with professionals working with you.
Identify supportive family, whānau and friends that can help.
Ask professionals to refer your child for further assessments, if appropriate. This can help to understand specifics of your child’s learning and thought processing. For example, their thought process when completing a task, their flexible thinking, how they follow instructions etc. Referrals for a speech and language assessment or to an occupational therapist may be beneficial.
Many parents are traumatised by the violence. Ask for support to have your needs met too. This might include therapy or respite.
Help professionals to identify organisations that are involved in the child’s life. For example, schools, GPs, etc, and how they may be able to offer support.
For more information for parents, caregivers, or whānau, you can download our booklets and factsheets:
For more information on our peer support group, please click on this link Peer support group info
For more information for professionals, you can download our booklet and factsheet:
What might help
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Living with a neuro-disability does not mean that there will be violence in the family.
However, research is indicating that there are higher prevalence rates amongst this cohort.
If a neuro-disability is suspected, a referral and diagnosis are ideal. Realistically, due to lack of capacity in our health system, this is often not possible, with the only option for many being via the private sector which might be too expensive for many families.
This does not mean that interventions cannot still be tailored to meet your family’s needs. Most parents will know if something will work or not, so professionals should be guided by you and your knowledge as you are the experts on their child.
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Poor sleep quality has been linked to increased aggression, as it impacts cognitive functioning and the ability to regulate emotions.
The Ministry of Health provides information on healthy sleeping at https://info.health.nz/keeping-healthy/effects-sleep-health
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Sensory profile - Some children have trouble/difficulty processing sensory input which impacts upon their brain’s ability to receive, organise and respond to sensory input. This can sometimes lead to extreme behaviours occurring when the child becomes overwhelmed by their environment.
Referrals to an occupational therapist are recommended to understand the child’s individualised needs. Changes to their environment can help reduce distress and anxiety which may reduce behaviours of concern.
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It is not always identifiable if a child has a speech and language disorder though it often coexists with some disabilities such as Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder (FASD).
Having a speech and language disorder can impact how the child engages with the world. They may be unable to process what is being said, follow the television or radio, follow instructions at school, and be unable communicate effectively, leading to higher levels of frustration.
A diagnosis and support from language therapists may therefore help the child and those around them (including school) to put into place appropriate communication support for your child.
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Talk to your GP about the appropriateness of medication to reduce high levels of stress and anxiety.
A medication algorithm resource has been developed for children with FASD to avoid the use of psychotropic medication where it may not be needed.
This may be helpful to share with your prescribing doctor. FASD-CAN reports that it is one of the most popular downloadable resources, with members reporting successful outcomes in reducing aggression.
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The Neurosequential Model aims to understand how early experiences of trauma affectsthe brain, in particular, the part of the brain that is responsible for our survival response.
There is a growing movement of schools in New Zealand using this approach to support children in the education setting.