What is Child to Parent Violence and Abuse (CPVA)
Child to Parent Violence and Abuse (CPVA) encompasses a broad range of behaviour that children under the age of 18 might display towards their parent/caregiver/grandparents and siblings.
CPVA can start at any age during childhood or adolescence including early childhood. If families are left unsupported, the violence can escalate and continue in adulthood, towards the parents, whānau, and in intimate partner relationships.
CPVA can occur in any family, and there are many reasons why it may happen. Mothers are more likely to be harmed compared to other family members. Fathers can also be targets. There have been no prevalence studies in New Zealand, but it’s more common than we think. Most CPVA violence is unreported with parents only reaching out for help when the violence has become extreme and there are safety concerns.
Parents/caregivers have reported feeling ashamed that this is happening to them. They often feel isolated, and do not tell family/whānau or friends what is happening or seek support as they are worried that they may be blamed by others who do not understand.
“Most of us minimise it and keep it hidden, like a sordid secret. We have been so conditioned by society that if we have violent children it is our fault as the violence must have been role modelled, or it is due to our poor parenting.”
What CPVA may look like
Physical – hitting, biting, pinching, strangling, kicking, slapping, restraining, punching, using weapons, lighting fires
Verbal – insults, threats, humiliating, intimidating, demeaning, frightening, screaming, yelling, threatening to use weapons or self-harm, making false allegations
Coercion – controlling and bullying to gain power in a relationship, gaslighting
Financial – stealing, pressurizing, or manipulating to get money
Property damage – holes in walls and doors, smashed windows and furniture, trashing houses
Hurting pets – strangling, kicking, hitting, throwing, neglecting, torturing
Sexual – any unwanted sexual action including sexualised behaviour
Self-harming – cutting in front of people, sending photos of injuries, threatening to harm themselves to get demands met
Digital – sending threatening messages or photos, online bullying.